Happy Birthday Spritzer
The year 2100 is only one newborn away.
Another Sunday, Another Naive Weekly — Observations From The Internet Wilderness.
Write a letter to a person important to you. This was my assignment for the final written exam in elementary school. I wrote to my granddad. It was also to my granddad that I gave my first speech back at his 60th birthday. Birthdays happen to reoccur, so two weeks ago it was my granddad’s birthday again. This time he turned 80. And this time I wished him a happy birthday on Facetime with Uno hanging on the arm.
Birthdays happen to reoccur until they don’t. Yesterday it was another of Uno’s great-grandparents’ birthday. Unfortunately, he passed away shortly before Uno was born. To mark the day, Ana and I made his favourite drink; spritzer — white wine mixed with sparkling water. I hope Uno lives to celebrate his 80th birthday surrounded by loved ones. Toasting in spritzer and walking on water, like the frozen lakes we went onto yesterday. The year 2100 is not so far away, let’s make the ice last.
Softbank’s presentations are the anti-dote to everything else.
Kristian Morgen’s hobbies are reading newsletters, riding motorbikes and being outdoors. These activities protect him from wasting time online and assist him building human connections. So if you have a link for him, hit reply and I’ll pass it along.
K: How would you describe your work to my grandparents?
Kristian: Your grandfather probably knows more about my work than I do. He might also have better stories from his time serving because stories tend to get better with time. I am studying to become a part of an old tradition of protecting land, values, and culture at the Royal Danish Military Academy.
My goal is to pass on the cultures and experiences that have shaped a good portion of the men and women in our society. A word that has a lot of meaning on this subject is dannelse (UK: Bildung). I am not much of a warrior, but I would love to pass on the culture and values that make humans treat other humans in the best possible way. And the ones that make you do an effort in the things you believe in.
K: What stones do you carry in your bag?
Kristian: My bicycle. It has been neglected for too long, and now it feels like it is falling apart underneath me. It needs that full attention Saturday afternoon makeover, and no one is currently planning on doing that.
K: Who would you like to provide a website for that can’t make it themselves?
Kristian: I would call every custom motorcycle parts business in Denmark. Through my newly found hobby of classic motorcycle cruising - and the byproduct of fixing it all of the time — I come across a bunch of these websites. Common characteristics are simple layouts, oddly cut pictures, few pages, and very ugly buttons. And the best part? Word Art fonts. Before some website providing superhero finds this blue ocean of business, please do yourself a favour and go treasure hunting.
K: What webs are you woven into?
Kristian: For years I have been exploring culture and how brands interact with us. I have always found myself moving towards the American pop culture of the ’60s and onwards. Working-class clothing, classic iron motorcycles (guess what brand I ride), and the ideals that are showcased in Hollywood movies from that time. I am intrigued by how the green movement today borrows from the ‘built to last’ brands that are building up popularity today.
Bird Folder — name new folders after random birds.
Jukebox — find the live tracks that stand out the most compared to the studio version
Virtual Vacation — guess the city.
Moderating social media platforms with billions of people is a hard task. Just imagine having to read, understand and judge every single message on any of the large platforms. No wonder the big technology companies struggle. “However… no one asked for communication at this scale!” as Robin Sloan writes.
“We’re living in a futuristic world now, but it’s a strange future, not at all what most of us were expecting. We don’t have flying cars. We have electric cars, and the world’s richest man is an electric carmaker who’s placing telepathic devices in monkeys’ minds.”
I was not aware of Patricia Lockwood’s work. However, I plan to change this now, because I usually vibe with people whose body is in space and mind online. Especially when they write stuff like: “I am a living male turtleneck. You are an art teacher in winter. You put your whole head through me.”
Online Culture Wars by Divination.
“The map Online Culture Wars is an overlay of hundreds of politicized memes, along with influential political figures and symbols. It is designed as a discussion starter, intended to visualize and contextualize the ongoing online culture wars, and some of the main political references, actors, and influencers.” —
Hi, I’m Kristoffer and you have just read Naive Weekly — Observations from the Internet Wilderness.
Last week this letter was sent to 737 people. Thirtyfour are crazy enough to chip in every month/year to support me making time to write. Logo by Studio Hollywood. Print by Luka. Photograph by Ana Santl.